The Gay Debate: Simply Different Strokes for Different Folks!

KTN has been airing a series titled "The Muffled Killer" an expose on the world of male prostitution in Kenya and an insight into the men having sex with men (MSM) society.  It has caused a real uproar in Kenya.  Here is a link to a clip, a part one, you can follow the trail if you want to see more http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDJkd7J3SBU.

Today society has a unique situation.  The world view is increasingly that the individual knows what is best for himself and his pursuit of happiness is supreme.  Human Rights now includes allowing this process to proceed unfettered, the qualification being "It does not hurt anyone else"

The extent of the hurt, is quite relative, since is it physiological, emotional, financial, where does it start, where does it end?

Many of the issues today being pushed as Human Rights are actually not human rights.  Human rights include those inalienable rights given to all of us, by God.  They are necessary for life and health and well being.  However, human rights have morphed to include even that which is not necessary for life, but is deemed crucial for living.  That is how Education, Culture, Religion come into the human rights stratosphere.  Once those became accepted, the realm was expanded further.  Pursuit of happiness, accumulation of wealth, self expression, protection of an individuals ideas and intellectual property, these too entered the realm of human rights.  Man has an inbuilt need to subdue, conquer and have dominion.  If you have a fight and win it, you start spoiling for the next one.  If you do not win, you still don't give up, until you have won.

Back to the issue at hand.  This whole "Gay Debate" stems from another primal desire:  It is the desire for acceptance that is at the core of every human being.  You see it when a child takes two steps then waits for you to cheer that they have done well.  It is a scientist waiting to be feted as an acknowledgement of years of hard work in a lab peering down microscopes.  Well, today we want to follow every rabbit trail thought in our heads and do whatever we put our minds to.  But that is not enough, we also want for others to look on our progress and hail it as admirable or at least, acceptable.  If they fail to do this, we feel "excluded" or "discriminated against", less than the rest of society.  Finally it boils down to this; is exclusion on the basis of behavioural differences really discrimination?  Or is it simply differences in taste, Different Strokes for Different Folks.

Let me give you a visual example.  To put it crudely, if you are at a table with a date who chews his food loudly and open mouthed.  Or you are sitting across a lovely lady at a high priced restaurant, and she sucks and slurps up her soup noisily and messily.  Some of you will have no problem with that, after-all, you may be a loud and open mouth chewer as well.  However, some of you will cringe at the very thought.  Whether there will be a second date, will depend on how you respond to this situation.  Are you a bad person because you are a loud, messy eater?  No.  Are you a bad person because the thought of "see food" in someone's else's "food processor" brings up everything you swallowed in the last 24hours?  No.  The solution in this instance is to find a date who will generally not leave you uncomfortable with how they chew their food.

Same scenario with social issues.  LGBT individuals express their sexuality in a way that is not usual for some of us.  I daresay if the only way to experience sexuality was in the manner in which LGBT people express it, some of us would choose to do without sex altogether and remain voluntarily celibate.  Simply because, it does not ring our bell, it is not our cup of tea.  In the same vein, the notion of rejecting the practise, cannot be held synonymous with rejecting the person.  I am personally a very affectionate individual, I make friends easily, laugh loudly and strike up conversations with perfect strangers several times a day.  I do not consider myself a homophobic individual, because even if you came out to me that you were a gay person, I probably would have an AC/DC joke about it.  However, I find the practise, very much not to my taste, and would not hesitate in pointing that out.  I would love to share all of life's experiences with a gay person, except sexual experiences.  That is one little English word, "Preference".

Now this is where the whole cookie crumbles.  The fact that I reject the practise and refuse to acknowledge it as a norm, makes those who live the lifestyle feel the rejection of the practise as being the rejection of them.  Separating the practise from the individual then becomes impossible, since offence has been taken by both sides.  I think this is where we all lost the plot.  The the pro-gay and anti-gay  movements, this is where the rubber meets the road.  Time has come for us to accept that we must agree to disagree.

Homosexuals should practise what they preach, be inclusive of the dissenting voices and leave this debate alone.  I say this because I have been subjected to seriously harsh judgements for expressing my opinion, to which I am as entitled as the people who believe I am wrong.  In Kenya today, I am in the majority with my opinion of same sex relations.  However, I am sure one day there will come a generation that will not mind so much, but this is not that generation.

Let me spin this top a little more.  Same sex marriages, that is a contradiction in terms.  How do you have the same sex and then you have a marriage?  Marriage is an institution, not a frame of mind.  It was established since the foundations of society, as between a man and a woman.  With the main aim not being companionship, but procreation.  Other same sex relations did exist, but not as marriage, but as just that, external adventures.  Many homosexuals in african society still maintain a home with a wife and children, and the homosexual relationship was recreational.   Women have sexual relations with other women but still have a Home.  There are women who even marry younger fertile women to have children for them.  A complex form of surrogacy, since the surrogate must source her own sperm donor sometimes but the children are considered the 'husband's'.  But I digress.  Even if you consider yourself monogamous in a homosexual relationship, what you have is not a marriage. It is loving companionship, it is deeply satisfying, but since procreation is impossible it is not a marriage.  Technology helps overcome this deficiency but left on its own, it is impossible to sort itself out.  Evolution notwithstanding.  If what people need is same tax benefits as married people, then clearly what we need to change is the tax laws, not the marriage laws.

My thinking leads me to think thus.  Time has come for us to grow up and get honest.  If you choose to live your life a certain way and I do not really like it, I should let you live your life uninhibited.  However, you also must stop expecting me to eventually come round and embrace it, it probably will never happen.  The old adage is actually true, "Live and Let Live".  All the labels we give each other create invisible walls that make it difficult for us to move forward.  Sometimes, the trick is in realising, that being immiscible is not a bad thing, in fact it may very well be the spice of life.